Aside : I’ve received some feedback that these latest entries aren’t as ‘funny’ as the earlier ones which featured references to Donald Trump and similiar easy targets.
I apologise to all my fans, and advise that I will attempt to make funnier jokes about the main character being trapped far underground, hunted by both a giant spider and his arch-enemies, all while having a small spider avatar lodged in his brain.
I quietly sidle down the other corridor, towards the room with the ‘wheezing’ sound.
I approach a chamber guarded by a masked sentry with grey platemail armour.
More gruesomely, the room within has a creature clearly modelled on Cthulhu. who has four semi-conscious Dark Elves attached to it by chains. The details are vague, but it is apparent that this Cthulhu-esque creature is feeding on their life-force in some high-tech fashion.
I need to get by the guard, but luckily I am giving the option of using my trusty Poison Needles skill!
Like you even need to ask!
No surprises here – the Poison Needle strikes the unaware guard in the neck and, because I’m not a monster, I lower him / it gently to the ground.
And then, presumably, leave the guard to die, alone and unloved.
Alright, as I enter the chamber I’m thinking this is final-boss territory.
- The floor is awash with black, knee-deep, (presumably unholy) water
- There are a number of guards who emerge from the sides of the room, but they are given a signal of restraint, by :
- A woman who appears on a raised platform by a sacrificial altar.
- Just for atmosphere, she has a live snake wrapped around her neck (brave, that)
- She acknowledges my garotting of Shadazar, and does the usual faux-praise because I have ‘made it this far’. Well, falling through several layers probably didn’t hurt when it came to getting to the 7th tier…
- She mutters some palaver about how she does not oppose me as, due to my achievements, we are now just representatives of the battles between the gods.
- She now references the standard trope of this kind, a prophecy!
- Apparently a mortal ‘with one eye’ shall decide the fate of the gods.
- Aside : Don’t I have two eyes?? Not my fault if one of my eyes sparkles green.
- She states that she will ‘take me to Glaivas now’.
Alright, since when did she become a receptionist?
As she leaves, I can either launch a Leaping Tiger kick at the back of her head, follow her warily or try to take her hostage.
The whole hostage thing seems silly. She’ll just direct me the way that she was going to walk anyway. A kick now will presumably just bring on the wrath of the guards who stand around me. Therefore, I’ll just follow cautiously behind her.
This ‘Keeper of the Sanctuary’ walks out of the water and onto the altar (what is it with woman standing on raised platforms in the Rift?) She places a candle on the altar, and, like a good tour guide, points outside the window to alert me to the City of Bone, which no man has ever seen and lived to see the outside world.
So I guess Tyutchev and Thaum are pretty nervous right about now.
We continue on past a black velvet curtain. I am escorted into what is some kind of prison, while this ‘Keeper’ make a subtle reference to earlier battle with the adventurers from the Fighting Fantasy Gamebook called Talisman of Death (also written by these authors and set on the same world).
Within one of the cells is Glaivas, emaciated and hungry. He’s probably also lost the sheen of his sun-tan, what with being imprisoned here for such an extended time.
This ‘Keeper’ essentially dares me to take Glaivas with me taunting me with the fact that I can’t possibly make my way back up to the surface.
Challenge : Accepted!!
Stats : Endurance : 20, Punch Modifier : +2, Kick Modifier: +3, Throw Modifier : 0, Fate Modifier : +1, Inner Force : 3