Overlord! – Attempt 1, part 8


Credit where its due.  This is the awesome descriptive paragraph for when I reach the Mountains of Undying Solitude :

“The Mountains of Undying Solitude loom before you, dark and forbidding, like gnarled fingers clawing blindly at the dirty, grey sky.  A cold biting wind that chills your bones strikes up as you move through the foothills.  The black clouds, heavy and ponderous, empty themselves on the lifeless earth and great sheets of freezing rain and sleet buffet you as you struggle upward.  It is as if the mountains themselves were trying to sweep you off their sides, just as a man would remove an insect that troubled him.  The land is all but barren, a hostile land tortured by the elements, where few plants or animals, let alone men, can survive.”

Say it with me :


I pass an isolated mountain goat, rough terrain, a river (filled with ‘torrents’ of rain) and similiar charming geological features.  I finally reach a chasm, on the other side of which are the ‘Crags of Abandoned Hope’.

Gee, are the Hills of Get Stuffed coming up next??

A thin stone bridge two feet wide joins the two sides of the drop.  As I don’t have the skill of Climbing, I have no other choice than to risk the bridge.

Aside : I have an intense dislike of heights, and I wouldn’t pull a stunt like this for a hundred Orbs and Sceptres.

Because the authors have read their fairy tales :

  • As I am crossing, I notice a net strung out beneath the bridge;
  • A ten-foot-tall monstrosity, with a horn sticking from its head, emerges from the other side.
  • It is apparently a Horned Cyclops, with a rock in its hand, but surely nothing but love in its heart.
  • I guess they didn’t have the stones to call it a Troll.
  • It states that I shall make a pleasant change from ‘goat meat’ (well played, book.  Well played.)
  • And then, just to keep me on my toes, it starts hurling rocks AT MY HEAD.

I can either scramble forward in an attempt to reach the other side as quickly as possible, or inch forward slowly and carefully to try to avoid any rocks.

With these choices, I’m reminded of the different ways it is possible to remove a band-aid, although I don’t remember the last time I tried to remove a band-aid while strolling along a two-foot-wide bridge over a deep chasm.

I decide to creep forward, rather than risk falling.  Sure, enough, a rock comes flying at me.  I need to score an 8 or less on two dice to block the rock.

And, on my first dice roll of the book, I get a 6 and a….5.

Well, that didn’t go so wonderfully.

I fall off the bridge and into the net.  The Horned Cyclops drags me off to its lair, and I’m trapped.

As I do not have the skill of Escapology, the Cyclops lights a fire to prepare me for that night’s dinner, knocks me on the head and I never wake up again.

You had one job, dice.

Awesome names : Crags of Abandoned Hope, Mountains of Undying Solitude.




One thought on “Overlord! – Attempt 1, part 8

  1. Aaaaarrrrrggggghhhhh!!!!

    Not fair, not fair, not fair.

    Where’s a daddy goat when you need one (truely, I never thought of the Billy Goats Gruff at this section… mind you, if the troll had been hurling rocks that story would have had the same ending as Avenger the fifth).

    Truely sorry mate, another awkward manly sympathetic pat on the shoulder.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s