Alright – now we start to enter the endgame.
I have the male ninja straight-to-DVD equivalent of Sophie’s Choice – which of my enemies to attack first?
I think its fairly clear that Yaemon will have to wait until last to have the pleasure of my company. Hopefully he will understand that my dance card is very full.
Now, on this stereotypical dark and stormy night, do I attack the warrior or the wizard? It is here that, apart from making Sandler-esque jokes about male anatomy, my minstrel-based visit to the courtyard comes in handy. Honoric’s sword cancels out magic. If I can quietly encourage him to, you know, die, then I might be able to use the magic-nullifying effects of his sword to take out the wizard, before getting my Jean-Claude Van Damme on against Yaemon.
I sneak into the Sword of Doom tower and examine my options.
Aside : That would be a hell of a post-card address. Imagine if Honoric’s wife wanted to let him know that her vegetable patch was progressing well : “Mr Honoric : Tower of the Sword of Doom, Quench-Heart Keep, Orb” . There may well be some raised eyebrows down at the local post office.
In any event, I have the option of quietly opening the door (while oiling the hinges first, naturally) or seeing if I can steal into the attic to check out the inhabitant from above.
Attics are never bad things. Either I’ll find a treasure map (Goonies) or Honoric’s evil (well, eviller) twin brother.
I manage to scarper into the space above Honoric’s bedroom and get wistfully informed that his features seem ‘less cruel’ than when he is awake and that he is ‘snoring gently’. I don’t know if its Avenger or the book itself, but I sense a small mancrush developing. Oh well, it is always the ones we love that get hurt the most.
In this ninja-filled book, it is here that I probably get the most ninja of all options. In something straight out of James Bond (You Only Live Twice, in case you were wondering) it is suggested that I dangle a length of waxed string above Honoric’s mouth (!!) and pour my Blood of Nil poison down the string between his (snoring) lips.
It is worth possibly dying just to try such a madcap scheme.
The poison ‘steams’ as it runs down the string and I get the satisfaction of watching as Honoric ‘goes rigid’ and get told that he is ‘dying of suffocation as his chest is paralyzed’. Well, he’s clearly dead. No chance of him ever coming back from this. I also get to nip into his room and steal the magic sword! Well, anti-magic. But I guess it is a kind of magic that stops other magic. So its maybe magic and anti-magic at the same time. My head hurts.
I tie the sword to my back, and make the obvious choice of taking on the wizard with the help of my new toy.
There is a magical red eye watching carefully from mid-air as I enter the tower, and I make sure to swing my hips properly and to only show the good side of my cheekbones.
Manse is waiting from me, looking suitably nervous. I’m thinking that he hasn’t been practicing taekwondo as a back-up to his magic.
He threatens me by saying that “Kill me and that fell sword will take your soul”. Dude, you just tried to fire a bolt of lightning at my head. One problem at a time, alright?
I throw Manse to the floor and savour the moment as I “grind my heel into his neck”. No comment is made as to whether I lightly beat my chest a la Tarzan.
In a move that I’m sure will have no later consequence, I leave Sorcerak on the floor and get ready for the final showdown.
I am reminded that Yaemon killed my adopted father and that, if I don’t stop him, he will bind my god Kwon in Inferno. Because these are details which could easily have slipped my mind, what with remembering which cheese to get from the supermarket and the size screws that I had to pick up from the hardware store.
Yaemon is waiting for me, alone, on the roof of the Great Keep…..
Status : Endurance 8, Punch Modifier : +1, Kick Modifier +1, Fate Modifier +1, Inner Force 3.
Awesome Names : Tower of the Sword of Doom, anyone?